Funny quotes about love:
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
I and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
I just finally discovered what’s wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.
A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.
Do, or do not. There is no “try”.
Funny quotes about friends:
You can’t live your life for other people. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.
Life is too short to worry about what others say or think about you. So have fun, enjoy and give them something to talk about.
Happiness is not having to use the alarm for the next day.
If I am silent its because there’s thunder inside me. or I’m just chilling, it depends. may the odds be ever in your favor?
I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several wtf per hour.
I’m not the type of person you should put on speakerphone.
Shaves legs and fresh bed sheets are the best combinations ever, no boy will fully understand such luxuries.
Funny quotes about school:
My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.
I’m actually not funny is just mean and people think I’m joking.
Why are iPhone chargers not called apple juice?
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn’t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
Mathematics is not about numbers, equations, computations or algorithms: it is about understanding.
The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.
Teachers who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, usually do.
I need a six months vacation twice a year.
Short funny quotes:
Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.
A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.
Seeing a spider is not a problem. it becomes a problem when it disappears.
Watch something funny. Laughter is great medicine, especially for what worries you.
You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.
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